September 2009
9 posts
Just think...
In one month and eight days your moleskine will be filled to the maximum with beauty thanks in large part to your patience and perseverance. Like she always says, “this too shall pass.” Maybe I should call her soon. Got applauded today in class for an introductory paragraph to an essay that I had written five minutes before. It makes me feel a little cheap, but it was comforting in a...
Turning Everything Around
I hate Kutztown. Well, not really hate. I just hate the people. I think I’m going to transfer to a smaller school next year, preferrably Muhlenberg. I’m going to get dean’s list this semester so that I don’t have to waste my life at a college I don’t completely love.
Pentax K2000 is my life and reason to wake up in the morning.
Friday, Friday, Friday
I think, that since everyone is going home this weekend, I’m just going to stay here and enjoy the scenery. I don’t care if I’m by myself anymore. I’m going to take as many pictures as I can. I think that if I prove I’m a good enough photographer, my dad will actually consider getting me a Rebel or atleast a digital point and shoot with the SLR body.
I can’t believe I thought he’d be mad at me after all this time. Everything feels right with the world again.
Purging
I’m finally sick of all of my bad habits, and of my anxiety. I’m tired of being lazy and feeling terrible about myself all of the time. For once in my short life, I am going to take the initiative for myself to lose weight, to conquer my various anxieties and to make myself a better, healthier person. I took the first step by starting a new life, and now that I have it, I should take...
Because I never write anymore.
I decided I should, at the very least, keep up with my daily thoughts as thoroughly and concisely as humanly possible, considering I haven’t written a lick of anything creative in weeks. I can’t find the patience to keep myself at a desk when there are screaming, drunken people roaming about the hallways here. Thankfully, I don’t have a roommate and thus I can even be up at this...
With their hearts hanging open.
I don’t know why I always end up talking to someone who will never see this on here, but maybe that’s the way I wanted it to be. I don’t know why you pop back into my life when I am finally happy. When I feel like I can’t hear all the things you said and visualize all the things you did (good and bad) anymore, you come back with some kind of anecdotal bullshit that reminds...
It's that moment when you realize...
how much you care for someone. I almost literally lost Brendan today. There were complications with the anesthesia after his surgery today, and he was having trouble breathing. So I skipped my last class and went back to New Jersey to see him. I’m still worried that something will happen to him in the night. He looked so miserable lying there in pain on his bed. I cried for hours. I know...
August 2009
16 posts
The Wonders of the Tea Tree
While trying to find a reliable source for nose-piercing care, I found a Harvard blog called “Proper Nose Piercing Care -or- How to Get Rid of ‘the Bump’”. It basically explained that using Tea Tree Oil is an antiseptic and will dry up the bump on my nose. Basically all the feedback on the blog was positive, and the blog was on the Harvard website. I’m very confident...
So this is it.
My stomach has been churning all day. Tomorrow is the big day, and I honestly feel sad. Maybe I feel sad because I’m going to be alone in a room in a place where 1/4 of the population are complete strangers to each other. Maybe it’s because of what I’m leaving behind. But nonetheless, I’m going to part through a crowd of unfamiliar faces tomorrow, and I hope that what I...
6 Days and 34 Minutes
I’m uprooting my life and going to someplace (almost) completely foreign to me. Somebody help me! My grandma is helping me completely clear out my room tomorrow so I can be ready to go on Saturday. Lauren is leaving on Monday, I can’t believe it. This summer went by so fucking fast. I can remember graduation like it just happened. It was magical, dreadful, and eye-opening. I’ve...
Solitary.
I’m beginning to think that sitting next to the window and watching the rain wash away all of the earthworms while the lightning flashes in the background isn’t a mediocre way to spend the day.
Down to the wire.
I’m starting to pack up and order things for school and clean out bascially my entire childhood. It’s very depressing. Even though there are going to be 2000 other scared kids moving away from their parents for the first time, I feel so lonely.
Cleaning out my room and packing up my life.
I’m sentenced to my room today to clean it and pack up for college. Since beginning my jourrney, I’ve discovered things that overjoyed me, depressed me, and enraged me. I found a lot of old pictures of Lenae and me, and it made me really sad, but I guess there’s always that one person you just can never resolve things with.
Indecision.
I’m not sure whether it’s time to cut my losses or fight for a close friendship. Everything was perfect. Why’d you have to go and ruin it? I wish that you could just be happy for once. Good luck to you in the future. You’re a beautiful girl, but you have to believe it in order to show that to others.
In Memoriam...
… of my nonexistant ~beachy waves~ in the summer of 2009.
I still can’t believe I’m going to college in 3 weeks.
Is this dirty? ...Please tell me I'm not touching...
Lauren: …so is this true? Me: Yeah, you didn’t know that? Lauren: No, but on what plane on existence would that have worked? Me: On the same plane that me and Dave would have worked. Lauren: ohm.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I think I made you up inside my head.
Boyish Attitude.
Today was a combination of the most wonderful/terrible events. I took Jake to see ‘Aliens in the Attic’ today in addition to taking him out to lunch and dinner. It was fun. I had planned on seeing Brendan later on in the evening, but his asshole friend insisted on coming to buy his bass cabinet. I waited at his house for over and hour and I was starving. So I left, fuming, to go to...
Patience or Lack Thereof.
Dear Friend,
I have known you for a ridiculous amount of time, and I consider us best friends. You’re probably the most entertaining person I know and I really like hanging out with you. But I’m sick of your petty, immature, fucking lunatic tantrums that you throw without warning and for no real reason. Someday you are going to give yourself a heart attack, simply because you love...
why does everyone constantly ignore me when i want to talk? whenever i’m really busy, everyone wants to talk to me. when i need someone? absolutely not the case.
Happy.
Can someone please take me camping?! I’m so tired of technological shit.
It was one of those days.
“It was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing and there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that’s the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and… this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know...
July 2009
7 posts
Hunger.
I don’t sleep anymore. I eat all the time. I need to sleep more and eat less. I bought a pull up bar. I’m going to be able to do a pull up. When I get to college, I’m not going to be the token chubby friend.
“And I never thought this life was possible. You’re the yellow bird...”
– Bright Eyes, “Poison Oak”
You're on top of the world again.
The thing about you that is really funny is that you think you’re right about everything, when in reality, you couldn’t be further from the truth. But what you don’t realize is, is that I’m gone. One month from now, your opinion is not the word of God anymore, and if you disown me, I don’t care. I’m going to live my life the way I want to, not the way you intend...
Sedation.
I’m so tired, and it’s so late (early), that I wonder if it’s even possible to sleep at this point. At this very moment yesterday, I was falling asleep next to beauty, and now I’m sitting here, with Napoleon Dynamite droning in the background, and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Prehistoric.
I have never felt so small, never in my life.